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Admission essay excerpt:

The first time I found myself sitting in the jungle as a child, I must admit that I was nervous and afraid of the uncertainties ahead of me.  While I never really grew up or even went in a jungle as a child, I did have to sit through the anxiety and torture of waiting for my doctor to arrive as I sat down waiting in her jungle-themed room.  While her room was beautifully decorated with colorful vines, tigers, lions, and other forms of jungle life, what was scaring me was that I didn’t know what to expect as a child on his first doctor’s appointment.  My doctor, however, was a kind-hearted woman who always did everything she could to make me feel as comfortable, relaxed, and happy as I could.  The jungle room, the apprehension as I waited, and the calm that my pediatrician blanketed me in are the memories that have inspired me to pursue an education and career in medicine.

Outline:

I.  The jungle room
A.  Sitting in the jungle room as a child
B.  Feelings of anxiety, fear, uncertainty, nervousness
C.  It was my first doctor’s appointment.
D.  I didn’t know what to expect.
E.  The doctor released me from my anxieties and calmed me.

II.  Realizing there was more to being a doctor
A.  My experience with the pediatrician made me realize that being a doctor was more than practicing medicine.
B.  The personal connection between patient and doctor
C.  Having the opportunity to be that doctor who helps children through their first doctor’s appointments
D.  Inspiration to be a good doctor

III.  My background
A.  Growing up in Trenton, New Jersey
B.  My surroundings were tough. Crime, violence, and gangs are prevalent.
C.  Fortunately, my parents worked hard to get us out of the hood and into the suburbs.
D.  Aside from doing what they could for me, my parents also supported their families in Haiti.
E.  It instilled in me a sense of responsibility, purpose, work ethic, and the importance of family.
F.  My parents always encouraged and motivated me to greater heights of success in school life and career life.

IV.  Education and career in medicine
A.  From a young age, I have always felt the need and passion to help others for a living.
B.  It was through my experiences in that jungle room and throughout my education that I realized my love for science and medicine, in particular.
C.  Now, I long to gain an education and make a career in medicine so that I may help those in my home town.
D.  I believe that ________ University is the best place for me to gain my medical education that will help me achieve and perhaps even surpass my goals.